Fleeting Thoughts
by Ms Sticha
Summary: Shepard's POV over Alchera. Mild language and (obvious) character death
_A/N: I posted this on tumblr, so you may have already seen it there. I decided to put it here too since I will be referencing this in other works._

* * *

 _Calm down. You're still alive, and you're not getting out of this situation if you lose your shit._

Shepard took a shaky breath and focused on the situation. The distress beacon was launched, Joker sent out an all-frequency call, and she was suited up. Hopefully someone would respond before her oxygen ran out. She needed to focus on something to keep from hyperventilating because she'd use an hour's worth of air in five minutes if she didn't, and that was all she had. Hopefully it would be enough - it had to be.

The last escape pod spun away from the Normandy's corpse. Shepard watched the light of the planet's sunrise glint off the metal as it breached the atmosphere, secure in the knowledge that Joker would survive. Kaidan survived. Now she had to make sure no other ships faced the same fate. She activated her comm. to record and broadcast simultaneously and took another calming breath.

"This is Commander Raiden Shepard of the Alliance Navy. Our ship was attacked by a cruiser of unknown origin. I don't know how, but it saw through our stealth systems. The attack cut right through our defenses and the ship itself. The Normandy's lost despite Flight Lieutenant Moreau's valiant efforts. All survivors are aboard escape pods with tracking signals."

A shadow blocked the eerie orange glow of the Normandy's remains. Shepard tried to follow the movement but was at the mercy of space's whims. There was no gravity, no momentum out here in the void. She continued to float helplessly when the shadow reappeared.

"Oh shit, they came back to finish us off," Shepard whispered in horror as the ship swooped down for the killing blow. "This is like no ship I've ever seen. It's enormous and almost appears… organic. Wait… the entire bottom is lighting up. Oh my god… the beam…"

Panic and dread shot through Shepard as she watched the flickering remains of her ship dissolve under that one powerful beam, drawing ever closer to her by the second. The extreme heat warmed her chilled limbs even from a distance, even through her suit, even through the vacuum of space. Her eyes watered from the intensity as well as the horror, then darkness engulfed her once more. The beam cut out less than a yard from her position and jagged sigh escaped her lips as she relaxed ever so slightly. She may survive this yet. Then it happened. A small explosion, probably from fire finding a small pocket of oxygen, sent debris hurtling her direction and there was no escape.

The jagged shrapnel caught her suit as it slammed into her helpless body. The hiss of air said everything she needed to know.

"Maybe I can reach…" Shepard flailed about, desperate. "Damn it, I don't want to die. Not now…" Her hand clamped down on the hose, slowing but not stopping the tide, until another piece of debris slammed into her side and she lost her grip. Her heart shattered in that moment. There was no stopping the inevitable.

"I'm so sorry," Shepard's harsh whisper came out like a sob. "I did my best. I tried so hard to make it…"

Everyone who said dying was easy obviously never tried it. Or else they were liars. Dying was the single hardest thing Shepard ever did. Every single cell in her body screamed in protest. Her lungs burned in agony. Stars filled her vision, but they were no longer outside her suit. They were in her mind, every bright pinprick of light a fresh burst from her dying brain. Her eyes felt like they were trying to escape, to jump free of the pain. Her time was almost up.

"It… wasn't your… fault… Jo… Joker," she gasped with the little air she could scrounge. Her lungs felt like they were folding in on themselves, collapsing into nothingness. Everything else was going comfortably numb, but she wasn't ready to succumb - not yet. There was one more thing she had to say.

"I… lo…love… you… K… …"


End file.
